Life Coach Bill

The world is full of different people from good natured, hostile, aggressive, non-aggressive, assertive, and non-assertive. However, very often people tend to be confused between assertive and aggressive behavior. While assertive behavior is more about standing up for yourself, and not trespassing on other people’s rights, aggressive behavior not only tends to be hostile, but also threatening, demanding, blaming and at times even sarcastic.

I personally believe that being assertive in life is important because it means being able to communicate what you want in a clear and precise manner and at the same time respecting your own feelings and rights as those of others. An honest expression of your feelings, assertive behavior is a mirror of a self-confident and self-respecting individual.

Most of the people avoid being assertive because they are just afraid of not being “liked” by others. But not being assertive when necessary can allow others to take advantage of you and damage your self confidence and self esteem. For those of you who fear being assertive, it’s important to understand that not being so can make you feel completely powerless and out of control. Below are 7 steps that can help you become more assertive in life and increase your sense of self-worth and self-esteem.

1.You must work to build a value and self-belief system that permits you to be assertive. Don’t control your emotions always. If you are feeling angry, allow your anger to be expressed, say NO when you want to, ask for help when necessary, and make mistakes or take risks. Avoid asking tag questions such as “It’s a beautiful day today, isn’t it?” or statements questions such as “Won’t you turn down the volume of the TV?”

2.Don’t allow people to interrupt until you have completed speaking out your thoughts. If someone interrupts you say – “Just give me a moment, I haven’t completed my sentence.”

3.Don’t indulge in self-restrictive behaviors like nodding excessively to please them, or smile too much for acceptance, or tilt your head when someone is talking to you, or when a person gazes at you, you drop your eyes unable to meet their gaze.

4.Remember not to say Yes when you mean to say a No. Just be decisive in your negation. And try to explain your point of view.

5.Try to use sentences that begin with “I Want” or “I feel” or “I Believe”. Always acknowledge the situation or feelings of the people involved but also stand up for your own individual rights. Ex: “I know how you must be feeling, but I believe….”

6.Whenever you feel angry, you should use what is commonly considered the “I” language. This language helps you express your anger in a positive manner and allows you freedom to be clear about your feelings. Ex: “I feel…”; “When you…” etc.

7.Listen to people and let them know that you have heard and understood what they have said.

Maintaining eye contact while having conversation is a great way to be assertive yet polite and it reflects your inner self confidence and self-belief!

A positive mental attitude is extremely important to overcome the challenges life throws at you successfully. Much like a good diet nurtures your body, and ethics nurture your business, you require a positive mental attitude to nurture your mind. Read the 7 steps guide to developing a positive mental attitude and overcoming obstacles successfully…
 
1.Positive self talk. Did you know that you talk to yourself in mind constantly? Yes, experts believe that the flow of words through your mind is about 1,500 per minute. Often your thoughts are a mix of positive and negative such as “I am great at this…” or “It’s just too difficult for me…” While negative thoughts lead to low self esteem, doubts, lack of confidence, positive self talk leads to increase in self confidence, high self esteem, and a positive mental attitude. 

2.Nurture your mind with a healthy diet. With daily stress, tension and negativity, your mind tends to get affected. In such cases you must take positive steps to reinforce healthy thoughts on a daily basis. Read positive books, good newspapers, listen to motivational records, and learn to relax your mind.

3.A very important step in building a positive mental attitude is to befriend positive people. Many experts believe that those individuals who associate with like minded and positive people then to be more successful in life. Successful people with healthy mental attitude will also help you develop a positive mental attitude when you join them.

4.Consciously control negative images from being formed in your mind. What you see in the outer world is a reflection of the pictures that are formed in your mind. When you have a positive mental attitude you will tend to see future that is bright, prosperous and successful than your present.

5.Work to develop a positive and optimistic lifestyle that is healthy and happy. Remember the maxim: “a healthy body maketh a healthy mind”? Well it’s true. A high level of mental energy and a positive mental attitude will help you deal with the world. Ensure you eat healthy, sleep properly and peacefully, and exercise regularly to stay fit. A poor diet and a lazy lifestyle will leave you tired and incompetent to cope with life’s challenges.

6.Training and Development will make your mind strength and enrich you as an individual. You must try to participate in a minimum of four such programs per year.

7.Finally, learn to be proactive. Being proactive will mean that you will always be ready to take initiatives and have full control of your life leading to increase in self esteem, and self confidence levels.

For developing a positive mental attitude you’ll have to feed your mind a healthy diet!

An improved self esteem plays a vital role in anything you do. When you have a healthy amount (it’s not quantifiable though) of self esteem, you can enjoy your life to the fullest despite the impediments that may seem to block your way. Self esteem is not the domain of just the richest or most powerful people. As a matter of fact, many of the celebrities suffer from low self esteem! Lack of self esteem leads to insecurity and other negative thoughts that can have a damaging effect on your life.

So if you have low self-esteem, how can you improve it? Are they ways that can help you to improve it? Yes, and 7 simple ways are explained below.

1. You must think positive about yourself and prevent destructive thoughts to plague your mind. Saying something good and positive to yourself every day and writing it down so that it stays in front of you through the day will help you believe in it strongly!
2. Your goal must be to accomplish something. It should not be for perfection. When you aim for perfection you may end up being unhappy.
3. The mistakes you make on your journey to achieve a goal must be viewed positively. Everyone makes mistakes and learning from mistakes will help you become wiser and more confident. 
4. Take risks, experiment with new things and activities. Explore your talents and nurture them by pursuing your hobbies. Be proud of your achievements and talents.
5. Be assertive about your opinions and ideas. Learn to be proud of them, and let your ideas and opinions be heard. Exercise your freedom of speech and expression but in a non-threatening and non-aggressive manner. 
6. Accepting that there are things that can be changed and that can’t be changed by you alone will help you remain calm and patient through a tough situation. If you can change something that makes you unhappy then you must try to change it. 
7. Respecting yourself as an individual is perhaps one of the most important ways to improve your self esteem. When you respect yourself, you also gain respect from other people. And above all, you must learn to love yourself, and never be self-depreciatory. You are the only one who truly knows your worth, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

There can be many other ways to improve your self-esteem. But you must practice them with honesty so that you become a better person with a higher level of self esteem.